Osama & the Genie

While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin-Laden found a bottle in the sand and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I

don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Bin-Laden.

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you!"

The annoyed genie said, "So be it !" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with...

Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken and he had no health insurance.

Break Fluid

One day this mechanic, Tony, was working late under a car and some brake
fluid accidentally dripped into his mouth.

"WOW!! This stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought to himself.

The next day he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid.

"It's really not bad...in fact, I think I'll try to have some more
today."

His buddy was a little concerned but didn't say anything.

Next day Tony told his buddy about drinking a full cup of the brake
fluid.

"Great Stuff! Think I'll have some more today." And so he did.

A few days later he was up to a bottle a day, and told his friend,

"This break fluid is the world's greatest tasting stuff!"

His friend was now really worried.

"You know, Tony, that brake fluid is poison and it's really nasty stuff.
You better stop drinking it!"

"Hey, no problem," he told his buddy....

"I can stop any time!"

Didn't recognize you

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing
God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in
and change her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live,
she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last
operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her
way home she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"

.

.

.

.

.

God replied, "I didn't recognise you."

Bin Laden and the Genie in the Bottle

Osama bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"Infidel, don't you know who I am? I need nothing from a lowly woman," barked bin Laden.

The genie pleaded, "But master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he relented. "OK, OK, I want wake up with three white, American women in my bed in the morning. I have plans for them." Giving the genie a cold glare, he growled, "Now, be gone!"

The genie, annoyed, said "So be it!" and disappeared back into the bottle. The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his leg was broken and he had no health insurance.

accident

My wife had a nasty accident with the car this morning. She backed it out of the garage, completely forgetting that the night before, she had backed it in.

I think I may be...

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Vacationing Couple

A man pulled up to a gas station. "Where's the road to San Josie?" he asked. "San Josie? Oh, you mean San Jose," said the attendant. "Around here the "J" is pronounced like an "H". "Okay, San Jose," said the man. "Ya see, we're from New Hersey and will be here on vacation until Hune or Huly."