hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Funniest - बीवी का अपेंडिक्स

एक डाक्टर की बीवी का अपेंडिक्स का आप्रेशन था
डाक्टर ने स्वयं ही आप्रेशन करने का फैसला किया
उसने दो लेडी डाक्टरों को सहयोग के लिये बुला लिया
सथ में दो नर्सें भी थीं 
डाक्टर ने बेहोशी की दवा दी
लेकिन बीवी बेहोश नहीं हुई
फिर उसने बेहोशी का इंजेक्शन लगाया
फिर भी उसकी बीवी को कोई असर नहीं हुआ
तब डाक्टर ने तेज क्लोरोफॉर्म सुंघाने का फैसला किया
तो डाक्टर की बीवी बोली -----
तुम कुछ भी कर लो
जब तक तुम्हारे साथ ये चुडैलें रहैंगी मैं बेहोश होने वाली नहीं----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Funniest Bo बड़े भले लोग हैं

एक गार्डन में शादी का खाना चल रहा था.....
तीन भूखे, 🐕🐕🐕काले कुत्ते, खाने की जुगाड़ में,
दूर खडे योजना बना रहे थे !
किंतु पुराने अनुभवों के कारण किसी की हिम्मत नही हो रही थी।
बड़ी देर सोच विचार के बाद एक ने हिम्मत दिखाई...
पिछवाड़े के गेट से घुस गया..अन्दर..!
हलवाई ने देखा.. फिर क्या था..
डंडा उठा के 💥💥लगा -दनादन देने...🐕💥
पिट-पिटा के जब वो बापस पंहुचा..तो !
दोनों ने पूछा : खा आये..?
(सोचा सच बोलूगा तो बड़ी बेज्जती हो जायेगी )
No.1 कुत्ता : हाँ भाई खा आया,बड़े भले लोग हैं...वो खुद ही खिला रहे हैं....."क्या मन से खिलाया है !!!
सुन कर No. 2 में हिम्मत भी आ गई..,
भागा टेंट की तरफ...निर्भीक घुस गया अंदर...
हलवाई ने देखा.. साला इतने डंडे खाने के बाद भी फिर आ गया (सेम कलर होने के कारण..हलवाई कनफ्यूज)
हलवाई ने खौलते पानी से जग भरा...और दे मारा💥🐕💥
बाहर No.3 ने पूछा : तुम भी खा आये...?
No. 2 : कुछ मत पूछो भाई....! गर्मा-गरम दे रहे हैं !
No. 3 तो लार टपकता, स्पीड में भागा...और घुस गया..
हलवाई ने देखा.. साला इतने डंडे खाने के बाद, खौलते पानी से नहाने के बाद भी, फिर आ गया (सेम कलर होने के कारण..हलवाई कनफ्यूज)
हलवाई बोला : गेट लगा दो, घेर लो साले को चारो तरफ से....
और.... 🐕💥💥लगे-बरसाने...दे दनादन💥
जैसे-तैसे जान बचा के बेहाल पंहुचा ।
दोनों ने पूछा : खा आये..?
No.3 कुत्ता : हाँ भाई खा आया, बड़े भले लोग हैं..
.तबियत से खिलाया....! अरे वो तो आने ही नहीं दे रहे थे..!!
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Funniest

जब आपको एक औरत पसन्द करती है, तब आप एक
पति हैं !
.
जब आपको बहुत सारी औरतें पसन्द करती हैं, तब आप एक
आदर्श व्यक्ति हैं !
.
जब आपको हजारों औरतें पसन्द करती हैं, तब आप एक
लीडर हैं !
.
और जब आपको शहर की पूरी औरतें पसन्द करती हैं, तब
आप एक पानीपूरी वाले हैं !
--------------------------




महिला-
बाबा ,
मेरे पति आजकल मुझे प्यार नहीं करते , कोई उपाय बताइये 
.
.
.
बाबा -
पुत्री , शनिवार व्हाट्सएप्प और रविवार को फेसबुक उपवास रखो ,कृपा आने लगेगी ,प्यार बरसेगा

--------------------


साला.... यहां दुनिया में इतनी प्राब्लम्स हैं .
.
.
.
.
और
....
.
.
.
उधर एक लड़की सिर्फ इसलिए परेशान है, ,,,,,,
कि उसे दुपट्टे की मैचिंग वाला यैलो कलर का स्वाइन फ्लू का मास्क नहीं मिला।...
.
.
.
.
हद हो गई यार..।।  
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, बहू खुश और सास भी खुश

बहू ने सास को दिया मोबाइल,

आखिर क्यों हुई मेहरबान..

नए जमाने की बहू ने 
सास को उनके जन्मदिन पर गिफ्ट में मोबाइल लाकर दिया

और वो भी स्मार्ट फ़ोन

बहु ने अपने सारे काम काज छोडक़र

सास की सहेलियों और सारे परिचितों के नंबर सेव कर दिये ।

सोने पे सुहागा

फिर उसमें व्हाट्सएप्प भी डाउनलोड कर दिया ।

भजन और गाने भी लोड कर दिये

अब सुनिये इस मेहनत का
फायदा जो हुआ:

अब सासु मां का ध्यान घर 
में कम 
मोबाइल पर ज्यादा रहता है

अब वो बेटा बहू की बातें सुनने 
की जगह, 
मोबाइल की घंटी पर कन्सनट्रेट करती हैं..

अपने बोलने की सारी एनर्जी 
मोबाइल पर गंवा देती हैं ।

व्हाट्सएप्प नें तो उसकी सारी ताक़त अपने पास खींच ली है ।

और बहू क्या कर रही है 
ये तक भुला देती हैं..

इधर-उधर बातें करने में घंटो 
बिता देती है,

फिर दिन भर सासू माँ और उनका व्हाट्सएप्प 
उसी में लीन हो जाती है ।
पढ़ती है मुस्कुराती है ।

रात को भजन और गानें

इधर बहू किचन में

मनचाहा बनाकर कब खा लेती 
है 
सासु मां अब इस बात पर 
ध्यान कम देती है..

इससे पहले वो दिन रात 
बहू-बहू चिल्लाती थी,

बहू की जमकर 
परेड हो जाती थी।

कभी चाय, 
कभी हलवा 
कभी दूध 
कभी पानी

अब खत्म हुई 
बहू की सारी परेशानी।

सास के हाथ में बहू ने 
जबसे ये फुलतरु थमाया है,

बहू ने गजब का चैन पाया है।

आजकल सास मोबाइल के 
साथ स्टाइल मारती है

और

बहू को करमजली कहने 
वाली सास
अब बहु को बेटा-बेटा कहकर 
पुकारती है..!!

साइड इफेक्ट जो हुआ:

बस उनका मोबाइल 
रीचार्ज जल्दी-जल्दी 
करवाना पड़ता है

और 
फोन डिस्चार्ज हो जाए, 
तो चार्जिंग पर लगाना होता है।

लेकिन कुछ पाने के लिए कुछ 
खोना तो पड़ता है..

वो कहते हैं न :-

अगर इससे प्यार बढ़ता है, 
तो ये दाग अच्छे हैं..!!

इसलिए सास से परेशान 
बहुओं

आइए ये टिप्स अपनाइए..
ओर अजमाईये

अपनी
-अपनी सासों को मोबाइल 
गिफ्ट दीजिए 
और सास की रोज़ रोज़ की
चकर-चकर से मुक्ति लीजिए

~ रिजल्ट ~

बहू खुश 
और सास भी खुश 😉
Jan hit mein jaarii

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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, - हर बात का जवाब

एक आदमी टॉयलेट में बैठा था कि अचानक से उसे साथ वाले
टॉयलेट से आवाज़ आयी: “क्या हाल है?’
आदमी घबरा के बोला: “ठीक हूँ ”
फिर आवाज़ आयी: “क्या कर रहे हो?”
आदमी: “ज़रूरी काम से बैठा हूँ.."
फिर आवाज़ आयी: ”मैं आ जाऊं?”
आदमी और घबरा के बोला: “नहीं नहीं, मैं अकेला ही ठीक हूँ."
फिर आवाज़ आयी: “अरे यार मैं तुम्हे बाद में कॉल करता हूँ । कोई कमीना साथ वाले टॉयलेट से मेरे हर बात का जवाब दे रहा है..!!
😂😂😂😜😜
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, - हूरों के सपने

अब्दुल नाम के एक सच्चे मुसलमान ने दो काफिरों को मार दिया और उसके बाद सेना की गोली से वो भी मर गया.. मरने के बाद उसकी रूह ऊपर की तरफ उड़ने लगी और वो तरह तरह के हूरों के सपने देखने लगा.😝😂
आखिर एक किले के पास पहुंचा .. वहाँ अल्लाह खड़ा था दरवाजे पर.. 😁
अल्लाह : आ गए काफिरो की हत्या करके ?

अब्दुल : हाँ हाँ आ गए ..कहाँ है हूरों वाला कमरा ?
अल्लाह : क्यूँ ? हूर क्यूँ चाहिए ?
अब्दुल :- अरे तूने ही तो कहा था कि काफिरो को मारने वाले को जन्नत में हूर दोगे ?
अल्लाह : मैंने कहा था ? आज से पहले मेरा चेहरा देखा था कभी ?
अब्दुल :- नहीं ?
अल्लाह :- तो मैंने कैसे कह दिया ?
अब्दुल :- वो .. वो तेरा ही लिखा किताब कुरआन तो है उसमे लिखा है ..😨
अल्लाह :- मेरी हैण्डराइटिंग पहचानता है तू ?
अब्दुल :- नहीं ?
अल्लाह :- ..तो वो मेरा लिखा है कैसे पता चला ?
अब्दुल :- साला ई तो हमरे साथ ब्लंडर मिस्टेक हो रहा है .. अरे सब तुम्हारा मौलवी मौलाना यही कहता था .. हलाल करो .. गाय काटो .. रेप कर दो.. काफिर मारो.. तब जन्नत मिलती है..😕
अल्लाह :- अबे चुप कर कुत्ते की औलाद .. साला ऐसा करने वालों को कोई हरामी होगा जो जन्नत देगा ...समझा .. इतना दिमाग नहीं था..😁
अब्दुल :- क्या मतलब ... मतलब.. हूर नहीं मिलेगी ..😒
अल्लाह :- कमीने मैं लड़की सप्लाई करता हूँ ? मैं रेड लाइट का दलाल हूँ ? मैं पैदा कर दूँ तेरे जश्न के लिए ?
यहाँ तेरे जैसे को ऐसा ऐसा तडपा तडपा के जिन्दा भूनते हैं कि हर जन्म में तू कराहते रहेगा और कुत्ता बन कर जन्म लेगा ..😂😝
अब्दुल :- क्या ? अल्लाह जी बचा लो मुझे .. बचा लो..😨
अल्लाह :- अबे चुप भूतनी के .. वैसे मैं अल्लाह नहीं हूँ ये नाम तुमलोगों ने दिया पर उस किताब को मैंने ही लिखा था..उस किताब को लिखने के जुर्म में यहाँ भगवान् जी मुझे 1400 सालों से इस नरक का दरवाजे पर दरबान की ड्यूटी करवा रहे हैं .... चल जा अन्दर.. अभी पहली सजा में यहाँ तेरे को लोग हलाल विधि से एक एक अंग काटेंगे .. और पूछेंगे हलाल से मजा मिलता है की नहीं ?
अब्दुल :- अल्लाह .. तूने तो मार ली ..😨
(और अब्दुल दो भीमकाय यमदूतों को आते देख बेहोश हो गया😁😝😂 )

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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, - कुछ काम था

हँसी रोक पाओ तो बोलना

बहु बरामदे में बैठे ससुर के पास खाली चाय का कप लेने गई...तो कप लेने के लिए जैसे ही झुकी तो पाद निकल गया ।

बहु शर्म के मारे बिना कप उठाये वापस जाने लगी,

ससुर ने आवाज लगाई -"बहु यहाँ कुछ काम था कि सिर्फ पादने आई थी...???"
😆😆😆😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes - लड़का कैसे इतनी किताब पढ़ेगा।

एक लड़की अपने पिता के साथ बैठी हुई थी।उसी समय उसका Boy Friend वहां पहुँच गया।लड़की ने कहा-तुमने लौरेंज फ्लैमिंन की "DADDY IS HOME" किताब लेने आये हो क्या?

Boy Friend-नहीं,रोबिन क्लामिन की लिखी"WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU"किताब लेने आया हूँ।

लड़की-Sorry, ये किताब मेरे पास नहीं है।फिर भी यदि तुमको अमर श्रीवास्तव की लिखी"UNDER THE MANGO TREE" किताब चाहिए तो ले जाओ।

Boy Friend-OK,तुम कॉलेज जाते वक़्त Retail Management Guide की"CALL YOU IN FIVE MINUTES" किताब लाना लेकिन मत भूलना।

लड़की- जरूर,मैं कॉलेज जाते समय "I WONT LET YOU DOWN" किताब लेते जाउंगी।

Boy Friend-बिदाई लेकर चला जाता है।

जाने के बाद लड़की के पिता ने बेटी को कहा।ये लड़का कैसे इतनी किताब पढ़ेगा।

लड़की-पापा ये बहुत ही स्मार्ट,बुद्धिमान और इंटेलीजेंट लड़का है।

पिता जी-ये तो ठीक है ।लेकिन उसको माइकेल क्रूज़ की "OLD MEN ARE NOT STUPID" किताब देना मत भूलना।

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Hindi Funny Story - ******चलती बस में निकाह*****

मुसाफिरों से लड़ी एक बस जंगलो के बीच से गुजर रही थी अचानक सामने की सीट पर बैठे एक बुज़ुर्ग जो अच्छे कपड़े पहने हुए थे खड़े हो गए और बाकी मुसाफिरों से मुखातिब होकर कहा ...
मेरे भाइयों और बहनों मैं कोई भिखारी नहीं हूँ अल्लाह ने मुझे अपनी नेअमतों से नवाजा है मगर मेरी बीवी एक मर्ज से अल्लाह को प्यारी हो गई कुछ दिन गुज़रे और मेरी फैक्ट्री में आग लग गई मैं इम्पोर्ट -स्पोर्ट का कारोबार करता हूँ...
मेरा सभी माल जलकर खाक़ हो गया फिर कुछ मुद्दत गुज़री कि मुझे दिल का दौरा पड़ा रिश्तेदारों ने जब ये महसूस किया कि इसके बुरे दिन आने लगे उन्होंने हमसे राब्ता बन्द कर दिया डॉक्टरों ने मेरे बचने की जमानत कम ही दी है मेरी ये जवान बेटी है इसका कोई वारिस नहीं रहेगा कोई इसके दामन अस्मत को तार-तार ना करे यही ग़म ज़्यादा खाए जा रहा है और उस शख्स की हिचकी बन्ध गई उसकी बेटी जो पास में बैठी थी उठी और बाप को सहारा देकर सीट पर बैठा दिया ...
बस की पिछली सीट से एक आदमी खड़ा हुआ और कहने लगा मेरे दो बेटे हैं एक डॉक्टर है उसका निकाह हो चुका है और दूसरा ये जो उस शख़्स के आगे बैठा हुआ है इंजिनियर है इसके लिये दुल्हन की तलाश है मैं उस बुज़ुर्ग से दरख़्वास्त करता हूँ कि ये अपनी बेटी का निकाह मेरे इस बेटे से कर दें मैं वादा करता हूँ कि बच्ची को कभी बाप की कमी महसूस नहीं होने दूंगा ....
लड़का खड़ा हो गया और कहा मुझे रिश्ता कबूल है....
बस में मौजूद एक मौलवी साहब खड़े होकर कहने लगे ये सफर बहुत मुबारक सफर है निकाह जैसा मुक़द्दस अमल हो जाए वह भी सफर में इससे अच्छी बात क्या होगी...?
अगर लोगों को ऐतराज़ न हो तो मैं निकाह पढ़ा दूँ.....
सब कहने लगे माशा अल्लाह , सुब्हान अल्लाह , अल्हम्दुलिल्लाह वगैरह, वगैरह 
और मौलवी साहब ने निकाह पढ़ा दिया ....
एक और साहब खड़े होकर कहने लगे मकीन छुट्टी पर जा रहा था अपने घर वालों के लिये लड्डू लेकर मगर इस मुबारक अमल को देखकर समझता हूँ कि लड्डू इधर ही तक़सीम कर दें उसने दुल्हन के बाप से मुख़ातिब होते हुए कहा...
दुल्हन के बाप ने ड्राइवर से कहा ...ड्राइवर मियाँ 5 मिनट किसी जगह बस रोक देना ताकि सब मिलकर मुंह मीठा कर लें ड्राइवर ने कहा ठीक है बाबा जी ....
मग़रिब की नमाज़ बाद जब अन्धेरा होने लगा तो लड़की के बाप ने ड्राइवर से बस रोकने को कहा ...
और सब मुसाफिर मिलकर लड्डू खाने लगे , लड्डू खाते ही सब मुसाफिर सो गए ड्राइवर और कंडक्टर जब नींद से जागे तो अगली सुबह के 8 बजे थे मगर दुल्हन और दूल्हा और उनके दो बाप मौलवी साहब और लड्डू बांटने वाला बस से ग़ायब थे इतना ही नहीं बल्कि किसी मुसाफिर के पास ना घड़ी ना चैन ना पैसे बल्कि कुछ भी नहीं था उनको ये 6 मेम्बर का ग्रुप मुकम्मल तौर पर लूट चुका था








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non veg jokes - L*nd and Tatte

Ek Baar Ek Bachha Bhukha( Hungry) Hota Hai, Do Din Se Usne Kuch Bhi Nahi Khaya Hota.
Wo Ek Chai Wale (Tea Shop) Ke Paas Jaata Hai Aur Bolta Hai.
Bacha: “Uncle Bhukh Lagi Hai Chai Pila Do”
Chai Wala Tharki Hota Hai Vo Ye Sun Ke Bache Ko Bolta Hai.
Chai Wala: “Bete Chai To Pila Dunga, Par Pahle Gaand Deni Padegi”
Bachha Bechara Bukh Se Mar Raha Hota Hai Aur Gaand Marwane Ke Liye Haan Kar Deta Hai.
Chai Wala Usko Dukan Ke Piche Le Ja Kar Jhuka Deta Hai Aur Thokna Shuru Kar Deta Hai.
Achanak Bachhe Ko Uske Land Ke Neeche Do Tatte Latke Huye Dikhte Hain Aur Wo Chai Wale Se Puchta Hai.
Bachha: “Uncle Ye Kya Hain?”
Chai Wala: “Beta Ye Tatte Hote Hai”
Bachha Kuch Soch Ke Bolta Hai: “Uncle Bhukh Badh Gayi Hai, Inko Bhi Andar Daal Do Ek Fan Aur Ek Mathhi Aur De Dena“

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Funny Story - Marriage Proposal

Marrige Is A Beautiful Thing But Marriage Proposal Advertisement Are Not That Easy, Sometimes Wrong English Can Destroy Everything
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This Is An Actual Letter Taken From The Times Of India In Response To A “Marriage Proposal” Advertisement:
Madam,
I Am One Young Gentleman Living Only With Myself In Patna. I Am Seeing Your Advertisement For Marriage Purpose In The Daily Newspaper. So I Decide To Press Myself On You And I Am Hopping You Will Make The Marriage With Me.
I Am The Son Of My Father & Mother Of Agriculture Family From Inside Patna. I Having No Sister And No Brother Also. I Become Big In Patna Only. I Educate Myself In The Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road.
I Am Nice And Big, Six Foots Tall And Six Inches Long. My Body Is Filled With Hardness Why Because I Am Working Hardly. I Am Playing Also Hardly. Especially I Am Liking The Cricket. I Am A Good Batter Also I Am Fast Baller. Whenever I Am Coming Running For The Balling, All Batters Are Running Everywhere Why Because They Are Afraiding My Balls. My Balls Are Bouncing Too Much High. That Is Very Danger For Them.
I Am Very Nice Gentleman. I Always Laughing Loudly At Everyone. I Am Happy Always And Gay Also. Ladies They Are Saying I Am Nice And Soft Because I Giving Respect To Them. I Am Always Liking If Ladies Are On Top. That Is How Nice I Am.
I Am Not Having Any Bad Habits. I Drink Milk Only And No Other Bad Things. I Am Not Chewing Cigarettes Or Eating Gutka Paan Why Because It Not Good For All The Peoples. So I Am Not Doing So.
I Am Keep Fitting Everyday. Morning I Am Going To Jim And I Am Pumping Like Anything. Daily I Am Pumping And Pumping. If You Want You Can Came And See How I Pumping The Dumb Bells In The Jim. And Now Good Muscles Are Come Outing Everywhere.
I Am Having Very Much Money In My Pant Everyday And My Pant Is Everyday Open For You Why Because I Am Nice Gentleman, But Still I Am Living With Myself Only. What To Do? So I Am Taking My Things Into My Own Hands Everyday.
That Is Why I Want To Press Myself On You, So That You Will Come And Take My Things Into Your Hands.

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