hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Funniest - बीवी का अपेंडिक्स

एक डाक्टर की बीवी का अपेंडिक्स का आप्रेशन था
डाक्टर ने स्वयं ही आप्रेशन करने का फैसला किया
उसने दो लेडी डाक्टरों को सहयोग के लिये बुला लिया
सथ में दो नर्सें भी थीं 
डाक्टर ने बेहोशी की दवा दी
लेकिन बीवी बेहोश नहीं हुई
फिर उसने बेहोशी का इंजेक्शन लगाया
फिर भी उसकी बीवी को कोई असर नहीं हुआ
तब डाक्टर ने तेज क्लोरोफॉर्म सुंघाने का फैसला किया
तो डाक्टर की बीवी बोली -----
तुम कुछ भी कर लो
जब तक तुम्हारे साथ ये चुडैलें रहैंगी मैं बेहोश होने वाली नहीं----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Funniest Bo बड़े भले लोग हैं

एक गार्डन में शादी का खाना चल रहा था.....
तीन भूखे, 🐕🐕🐕काले कुत्ते, खाने की जुगाड़ में,
दूर खडे योजना बना रहे थे !
किंतु पुराने अनुभवों के कारण किसी की हिम्मत नही हो रही थी।
बड़ी देर सोच विचार के बाद एक ने हिम्मत दिखाई...
पिछवाड़े के गेट से घुस गया..अन्दर..!
हलवाई ने देखा.. फिर क्या था..
डंडा उठा के 💥💥लगा -दनादन देने...🐕💥
पिट-पिटा के जब वो बापस पंहुचा..तो !
दोनों ने पूछा : खा आये..?
(सोचा सच बोलूगा तो बड़ी बेज्जती हो जायेगी )
No.1 कुत्ता : हाँ भाई खा आया,बड़े भले लोग हैं...वो खुद ही खिला रहे हैं....."क्या मन से खिलाया है !!!
सुन कर No. 2 में हिम्मत भी आ गई..,
भागा टेंट की तरफ...निर्भीक घुस गया अंदर...
हलवाई ने देखा.. साला इतने डंडे खाने के बाद भी फिर आ गया (सेम कलर होने के कारण..हलवाई कनफ्यूज)
हलवाई ने खौलते पानी से जग भरा...और दे मारा💥🐕💥
बाहर No.3 ने पूछा : तुम भी खा आये...?
No. 2 : कुछ मत पूछो भाई....! गर्मा-गरम दे रहे हैं !
No. 3 तो लार टपकता, स्पीड में भागा...और घुस गया..
हलवाई ने देखा.. साला इतने डंडे खाने के बाद, खौलते पानी से नहाने के बाद भी, फिर आ गया (सेम कलर होने के कारण..हलवाई कनफ्यूज)
हलवाई बोला : गेट लगा दो, घेर लो साले को चारो तरफ से....
और.... 🐕💥💥लगे-बरसाने...दे दनादन💥
जैसे-तैसे जान बचा के बेहाल पंहुचा ।
दोनों ने पूछा : खा आये..?
No.3 कुत्ता : हाँ भाई खा आया, बड़े भले लोग हैं..
.तबियत से खिलाया....! अरे वो तो आने ही नहीं दे रहे थे..!!
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, - हर बात का जवाब

एक आदमी टॉयलेट में बैठा था कि अचानक से उसे साथ वाले
टॉयलेट से आवाज़ आयी: “क्या हाल है?’
आदमी घबरा के बोला: “ठीक हूँ ”
फिर आवाज़ आयी: “क्या कर रहे हो?”
आदमी: “ज़रूरी काम से बैठा हूँ.."
फिर आवाज़ आयी: ”मैं आ जाऊं?”
आदमी और घबरा के बोला: “नहीं नहीं, मैं अकेला ही ठीक हूँ."
फिर आवाज़ आयी: “अरे यार मैं तुम्हे बाद में कॉल करता हूँ । कोई कमीना साथ वाले टॉयलेट से मेरे हर बात का जवाब दे रहा है..!!
😂😂😂😜😜
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, - हूरों के सपने

अब्दुल नाम के एक सच्चे मुसलमान ने दो काफिरों को मार दिया और उसके बाद सेना की गोली से वो भी मर गया.. मरने के बाद उसकी रूह ऊपर की तरफ उड़ने लगी और वो तरह तरह के हूरों के सपने देखने लगा.😝😂
आखिर एक किले के पास पहुंचा .. वहाँ अल्लाह खड़ा था दरवाजे पर.. 😁
अल्लाह : आ गए काफिरो की हत्या करके ?

अब्दुल : हाँ हाँ आ गए ..कहाँ है हूरों वाला कमरा ?
अल्लाह : क्यूँ ? हूर क्यूँ चाहिए ?
अब्दुल :- अरे तूने ही तो कहा था कि काफिरो को मारने वाले को जन्नत में हूर दोगे ?
अल्लाह : मैंने कहा था ? आज से पहले मेरा चेहरा देखा था कभी ?
अब्दुल :- नहीं ?
अल्लाह :- तो मैंने कैसे कह दिया ?
अब्दुल :- वो .. वो तेरा ही लिखा किताब कुरआन तो है उसमे लिखा है ..😨
अल्लाह :- मेरी हैण्डराइटिंग पहचानता है तू ?
अब्दुल :- नहीं ?
अल्लाह :- ..तो वो मेरा लिखा है कैसे पता चला ?
अब्दुल :- साला ई तो हमरे साथ ब्लंडर मिस्टेक हो रहा है .. अरे सब तुम्हारा मौलवी मौलाना यही कहता था .. हलाल करो .. गाय काटो .. रेप कर दो.. काफिर मारो.. तब जन्नत मिलती है..😕
अल्लाह :- अबे चुप कर कुत्ते की औलाद .. साला ऐसा करने वालों को कोई हरामी होगा जो जन्नत देगा ...समझा .. इतना दिमाग नहीं था..😁
अब्दुल :- क्या मतलब ... मतलब.. हूर नहीं मिलेगी ..😒
अल्लाह :- कमीने मैं लड़की सप्लाई करता हूँ ? मैं रेड लाइट का दलाल हूँ ? मैं पैदा कर दूँ तेरे जश्न के लिए ?
यहाँ तेरे जैसे को ऐसा ऐसा तडपा तडपा के जिन्दा भूनते हैं कि हर जन्म में तू कराहते रहेगा और कुत्ता बन कर जन्म लेगा ..😂😝
अब्दुल :- क्या ? अल्लाह जी बचा लो मुझे .. बचा लो..😨
अल्लाह :- अबे चुप भूतनी के .. वैसे मैं अल्लाह नहीं हूँ ये नाम तुमलोगों ने दिया पर उस किताब को मैंने ही लिखा था..उस किताब को लिखने के जुर्म में यहाँ भगवान् जी मुझे 1400 सालों से इस नरक का दरवाजे पर दरबान की ड्यूटी करवा रहे हैं .... चल जा अन्दर.. अभी पहली सजा में यहाँ तेरे को लोग हलाल विधि से एक एक अंग काटेंगे .. और पूछेंगे हलाल से मजा मिलता है की नहीं ?
अब्दुल :- अल्लाह .. तूने तो मार ली ..😨
(और अब्दुल दो भीमकाय यमदूतों को आते देख बेहोश हो गया😁😝😂 )

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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, - कुछ काम था

हँसी रोक पाओ तो बोलना

बहु बरामदे में बैठे ससुर के पास खाली चाय का कप लेने गई...तो कप लेने के लिए जैसे ही झुकी तो पाद निकल गया ।

बहु शर्म के मारे बिना कप उठाये वापस जाने लगी,

ससुर ने आवाज लगाई -"बहु यहाँ कुछ काम था कि सिर्फ पादने आई थी...???"
😆😆😆😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes - लड़का कैसे इतनी किताब पढ़ेगा।

एक लड़की अपने पिता के साथ बैठी हुई थी।उसी समय उसका Boy Friend वहां पहुँच गया।लड़की ने कहा-तुमने लौरेंज फ्लैमिंन की "DADDY IS HOME" किताब लेने आये हो क्या?

Boy Friend-नहीं,रोबिन क्लामिन की लिखी"WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU"किताब लेने आया हूँ।

लड़की-Sorry, ये किताब मेरे पास नहीं है।फिर भी यदि तुमको अमर श्रीवास्तव की लिखी"UNDER THE MANGO TREE" किताब चाहिए तो ले जाओ।

Boy Friend-OK,तुम कॉलेज जाते वक़्त Retail Management Guide की"CALL YOU IN FIVE MINUTES" किताब लाना लेकिन मत भूलना।

लड़की- जरूर,मैं कॉलेज जाते समय "I WONT LET YOU DOWN" किताब लेते जाउंगी।

Boy Friend-बिदाई लेकर चला जाता है।

जाने के बाद लड़की के पिता ने बेटी को कहा।ये लड़का कैसे इतनी किताब पढ़ेगा।

लड़की-पापा ये बहुत ही स्मार्ट,बुद्धिमान और इंटेलीजेंट लड़का है।

पिता जी-ये तो ठीक है ।लेकिन उसको माइकेल क्रूज़ की "OLD MEN ARE NOT STUPID" किताब देना मत भूलना।

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non veg jokes - L*nd and Tatte

Ek Baar Ek Bachha Bhukha( Hungry) Hota Hai, Do Din Se Usne Kuch Bhi Nahi Khaya Hota.
Wo Ek Chai Wale (Tea Shop) Ke Paas Jaata Hai Aur Bolta Hai.
Bacha: “Uncle Bhukh Lagi Hai Chai Pila Do”
Chai Wala Tharki Hota Hai Vo Ye Sun Ke Bache Ko Bolta Hai.
Chai Wala: “Bete Chai To Pila Dunga, Par Pahle Gaand Deni Padegi”
Bachha Bechara Bukh Se Mar Raha Hota Hai Aur Gaand Marwane Ke Liye Haan Kar Deta Hai.
Chai Wala Usko Dukan Ke Piche Le Ja Kar Jhuka Deta Hai Aur Thokna Shuru Kar Deta Hai.
Achanak Bachhe Ko Uske Land Ke Neeche Do Tatte Latke Huye Dikhte Hain Aur Wo Chai Wale Se Puchta Hai.
Bachha: “Uncle Ye Kya Hain?”
Chai Wala: “Beta Ye Tatte Hote Hai”
Bachha Kuch Soch Ke Bolta Hai: “Uncle Bhukh Badh Gayi Hai, Inko Bhi Andar Daal Do Ek Fan Aur Ek Mathhi Aur De Dena“

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Funny Story - Marriage Proposal

Marrige Is A Beautiful Thing But Marriage Proposal Advertisement Are Not That Easy, Sometimes Wrong English Can Destroy Everything
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This Is An Actual Letter Taken From The Times Of India In Response To A “Marriage Proposal” Advertisement:
Madam,
I Am One Young Gentleman Living Only With Myself In Patna. I Am Seeing Your Advertisement For Marriage Purpose In The Daily Newspaper. So I Decide To Press Myself On You And I Am Hopping You Will Make The Marriage With Me.
I Am The Son Of My Father & Mother Of Agriculture Family From Inside Patna. I Having No Sister And No Brother Also. I Become Big In Patna Only. I Educate Myself In The Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road.
I Am Nice And Big, Six Foots Tall And Six Inches Long. My Body Is Filled With Hardness Why Because I Am Working Hardly. I Am Playing Also Hardly. Especially I Am Liking The Cricket. I Am A Good Batter Also I Am Fast Baller. Whenever I Am Coming Running For The Balling, All Batters Are Running Everywhere Why Because They Are Afraiding My Balls. My Balls Are Bouncing Too Much High. That Is Very Danger For Them.
I Am Very Nice Gentleman. I Always Laughing Loudly At Everyone. I Am Happy Always And Gay Also. Ladies They Are Saying I Am Nice And Soft Because I Giving Respect To Them. I Am Always Liking If Ladies Are On Top. That Is How Nice I Am.
I Am Not Having Any Bad Habits. I Drink Milk Only And No Other Bad Things. I Am Not Chewing Cigarettes Or Eating Gutka Paan Why Because It Not Good For All The Peoples. So I Am Not Doing So.
I Am Keep Fitting Everyday. Morning I Am Going To Jim And I Am Pumping Like Anything. Daily I Am Pumping And Pumping. If You Want You Can Came And See How I Pumping The Dumb Bells In The Jim. And Now Good Muscles Are Come Outing Everywhere.
I Am Having Very Much Money In My Pant Everyday And My Pant Is Everyday Open For You Why Because I Am Nice Gentleman, But Still I Am Living With Myself Only. What To Do? So I Am Taking My Things Into My Own Hands Everyday.
That Is Why I Want To Press Myself On You, So That You Will Come And Take My Things Into Your Hands.

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Non Veg Story - Beautyful witch

 
 
There Are These Three Guys In A Desert Dying Of Dehydration.
Off In The Horizon They See A House And Finally Manage To Struggle To It.
The First Guy Goes Up To The Door To Ask For Water.
The Door Is Opened By This Really Old, Wart-Covered, Puss Covered, Scaly, Toothless Old Woman.
“C-C-C-Can I H-H-H-Have Some W-W-W-Water For Me And M-My Friends?” He Asks.
She Replied: “I Will, If You Have Sex With Me.”
The Guy Pukes All Over The Woman And Runs Back To His Friends.
He Tells Them: “You Guys Would Not Believe Who Answered The Door, Some Really Gross Old Lady! She Said We Could Have Water If I Had Sex With Her”
“Why Didn’t You Then?” Asks The Second Guy.
He Said: “Because She Was So Ugly, I Was Sick And Couldn’t Do It”
“Oh, You Are Such A Wuss. I’ll Go Up To The Door” The Second Guy Says.
He Goes Up To The Door And Rings The Bell.
“W-W-W-W-W-W-Waaaaaa……” He Uses All Of His Will Power To Not Hurl.
She Says: “Water? Yes, I Have Water, But You Have To Have Sex With Me”
“Aaaaauuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!!”
He Runs Back To His Friends And Before He Could Say A Word,
The Third Guy Goes To The Door And Rings The Bell.
“What Do You Want For Some Water?”
“You Have To Have Sex With Me”
Knowing That If He Doesn’t Do Something, He And His Friends Will All Die.
So He Follows The Lady Into Her Kitchen.
“Do Me Here,” She Told Him.
He Sees 3 Ears Of Corn On The Counter And Gets An Idea.
“Lay Back And Close Your Eyes. And Keep Them Closed”
The Witch Lays Back And Spreads Her Legs.
The Guy Nearly Pukes After Seeing This.
He Picks Up An Ear Of Corn And Screws Her With It.
Finally She Is Finished.
He Throws The Corn Out The Window.
“Oh, God, That Was The Best Orgasm Of My Life, If You Do That Again I Will Give You A Million Dollars.”
“Then Lay Back And Close Your Eyes Again”
This She Does And He Does Her With The Second Ear Of Corn Until She Is Satisfied.
Then He Throws It Out The Window.
This Time She Doesn’t Even Open Her Eyes.
“If You Do That Again, I Will Give You A Jeep So You Can Get Out Of The Desert.”
“Eyes Closed,” He Says.
Then He Does Her With The Last Piece Of Corn.
He Brings Her To Multiple Orgasms.
“Ohhhhhhhhh…….. The Water, Money And Jeep Are Outside,” She Says As She Squirms In Ecstasy.
So He Runs Like Hell Outside And Grabs The Water And Money And Jumps Into The Jeep.
He Wonders Where His Friends Are And Drives Around To Find Them.
He Finds Them By The Window.
One Of The Guys Says To Him, “Hey, Man. I Hope You Had Fun. We Just Ate The Three Best Pieces Of Buttered Corn You Could Have Imagined!“

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*हाथ की पांच उंगलिया*

*हाथ की पांच उंगलिया*

हमारे हाथ की पांचो उंगलिया शरीर के अलग-2 अंगों से जुडी होती है | इसका मतलब आप को दर्द नाशक दवाइयां खाने की बजाए इस आसान और प्रभावशाली तरीके का इस्तेमाल करना चाहिए | आज इस लेख के माध्यम से हम आपको बतायेगे के शरीर के किसी हिस्से का दर्द सिर्फ हाथ की उंगली को रगड़ने से कैसे दूर होता है |

हमारे हाथ की अलग अलग उंगलिया अलग अलग बिमारिओ और भावनाओं से जुडी होती है | शायद आप को पता न हो, हमारे हाथ की उंगलिया चिंता, डर और चिड़चिड़ापन दूर करने की क्षमता रखती है | उंगलियों पर धीरे से दबाव डालने से शरीर के कई अंगो पर प्रभाव पड़ेगा |

*1. अंगूठा*
*– The Thumb*
हाथ का अंगूठा हमारे फेफड़ो से जुड़ा होता है | अगर आप की दिल की धड़कन तेज है तो हलके हाथो से अंगूठे पर मसाज करे और हल्का सा खिचे | इससे आप को आराम मिलेगा |

*2. तर्जनी*
*– The Index Finger*
ये उंगली आंतों gastro intestinal tract से जुडी होती है | अगर आप के पेट में दर्द है तो इस उंगली को हल्का सा रगड़े , दर्द गयब हो जायेगा।

*3. बीच की उंगली*
*– The Middle Finger*
ये उंगली परिसंचरण तंत्र तथा circulation system से जुडी होती है | अगर आप को चक्कर या आपका जी घबरा रहा है तो इस उंगली पर मालिश करने से तुरंत रहत मिलेगी |

*4. तीसरी उंगली*
*– The Ring Finger* 
ये उंगली आपकी मनोदशा से जुडी होती है | अगर किसी कर्ण आपका मनोदशा अच्छा नहीं है या शांति चाहते हो तो इस उंगली को हल्का सा मसाज करे और खिचे, आपको जल्द ही इस के अच्छे नतीजे प्राप्त हो जयेगे, आप का मूड खिल उठे गा।

*5. छोटी उंगली*
*– The Little Finger*
छोटी उंगली का किडनी और सिर के साथ सम्बन्ध होता है | अगर आप को सिर में दर्द है तो इस उंगली को हल्का सा दबाये और मसाज करे, आप का सिर दर्द गायब हो जायेगा | इसे मसाज करने से किडनी भी तंदरुस्त रहती है |

पोस्ट अच्छी लगे तो कम से कम अपने मित्रो और परिचित तक भेजे और स्वस्थ भारत के निर्माण मैं अपना पूर्ण योगदान दे।

🌸 धन्यवाद 🌸

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Inspirational Hindi Story - संत की कथा

एक संत की कथा में एक बालिका खड़ी हो गई।
चेहरे पर झलकता आक्रोश...

संत ने पूछा - बोलो बेटी क्या बात है?

बालिका ने कहा- महाराज हमारे समाज में लड़कों को हर प्रकार की आजादी होती है।
वह कुछ भी करे, कहीं भी जाए उस पर कोई खास टोका टाकी नहीं होती।
इसके विपरीत लड़कियों को बात बात पर टोका जाता है।
यह मत करो, यहाँ मत जाओ, घर जल्दी आ जाओ आदि।

संत मुस्कुराए और कहा...

बेटी तुमने कभी लोहे की दुकान के बाहर पड़े लोहे के गार्डर देखे हैं?
ये गार्डर सर्दी, गर्मी, बरसात, रात दिन इसी प्रकार पड़े रहते हैं।
इसके बावजूद इनका कुछ नहीं बिगड़ता और इनकी कीमत पर भी कोई अन्तर नहीं पड़ता।
लड़कों के लिए कुछ इसी प्रकार की सोच है समाज में।

अब तुम चलो एक ज्वेलरी शॉप में।
एक बड़ी तिजोरी, उसमें एक छोटी तिजोरी।
उसमें रखी छोटी सुन्दर सी डिब्बी में रेशम पर नज़ाकत से रखा चमचमाता हीरा।
क्योंकि जौहरी जानता है कि अगर हीरे में जरा भी खरोंच आ गई तो उसकी कोई कीमत नहीं रहेगी।

समाज में बेटियों की अहमियत भी कुछ इसी प्रकार की है।
पूरे घर को रोशन करती झिलमिलाते हीरे की तरह।
जरा सी खरोंच से उसके और उसके परिवार के पास कुछ नहीं बचता।
बस यही अन्तर है लड़कियों और लड़कों में।

पूरी सभा में चुप्पी छा गई।
उस बेटी के साथ पूरी सभा की आँखों में छाई नमी साफ-साफ बता रही थी लोहे और हीरे में फर्क।।।

प्लीज , आप से मेरा निवेदन हैं कि ये मैसेज अपनी बेटी-बहन को अवश्य पढायें और दोस्तों में , रिश्तेदारों के साथ, सभी ग्रुप्स में शेयर करें ।

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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Funniest - माँ के पैर दबा लिए

नहीं जा पाया आज मंदिर
तो घर में ही माँ के पैर दबा लिए
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माँ की ममता भावनाओ में बह निकली,
जमा के 2 लात दी और बोली,
या तो तू ठीक से पैर दबा ले या फिर मोबाइल चला ले


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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Solid Bheja Fry - राई है या ज़ीरा

कौन कहता है की औरतें समझदार नही होती....
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हमारे देश मैं तो लेडीज रसोई के डिब्बे बजा कर बता देती हैं
के इसमें राई है या ज़ीरा


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Naradmuni

एक आदमी ने नारदमुनि से पूछा मेरे भाग्य में कितना धन है...
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नारदमुनि ने कहा - भगवान विष्णु से पूछकर कल बताऊंगा...
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नारदमुनि ने कहा- 1 रुपया रोज तुम्हारे भाग्य में है...
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आदमी बहुत खुश रहने लगा...
उसकी जरूरते 1 रूपये में पूरी हो जाती थी...
:
एक दिन उसके मित्र ने कहा में तुम्हारे सादगी जीवन और खुश देखकर बहुत प्रभावित हुआ हूं और अपनी बहन की शादी तुमसे करना चाहता हूँ...
:
आदमी ने कहा मेरी कमाई 1 रुपया रोज की है इसको ध्यान में रखना...
इसी में से ही गुजर बसर करना पड़ेगा तुम्हारी बहन को...
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मित्र ने कहा कोई बात नहीं मुझे रिश्ता मंजूर है...
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अगले दिन से उस आदमी की कमाई 11 रुपया हो गई...
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उसने नारदमुनि को बुलाया की हे मुनिवर मेरे भाग्य में 1 रूपया लिखा है फिर 11 रुपये क्यो मिल रहे है...??
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नारदमुनि ने कहा - तुम्हारा किसी से रिश्ता या सगाई हुई है क्या...??
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हाँ हुई है...
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तो यह तुमको 10 रुपये उसके भाग्य के मिल रहे है...
इसको जोड़ना शुरू करो तुम्हारे विवाह में काम आएंगे...
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एक दिन उसकी पत्नी गर्भवती हुई और उसकी कमाई 31 रूपये होने लगी...
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फिर उसने नारदमुनि को बुलाया और कहा है मुनिवर मेरी और मेरी पत्नी के भाग्य के 11 रूपये मिल रहे थे लेकिन अभी 31 रूपये क्यों मिल रहे है...
क्या मै कोई अपराध कर रहा हूँ...??
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मुनिवर ने कहा- यह तेरे बच्चे के भाग्य के 20 रुपये मिल रहे है...
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हर मनुष्य को उसका प्रारब्ध (भाग्य) मिलता है...
किसके भाग्य से घर में धन दौलत आती है हमको नहीं पता...
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लेकिन मनुष्य अहंकार करता है कि मैने बनाया,,,मैंने कमाया,,,
मेरा है,,,
मै कमा रहा हूँ,,, मेरी वजह से हो रहा है...
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हे प्राणी तुझे नहीं पता तू किसके भाग्य का खा कमा रहा है...!!!!! 
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hindi jokes, comedy jokes, funny jokes, Funniest Boy Girl Jokes,Solid Bheja Fry Funny Hindi Jokes, Jokes in Hindi, Student Teacher Joke In Hindi, santa banta jokes, s

 



हम कितनी भी अक्ल लगा लें..
असली बजट कल के अखबार के पहले पेज पर क्या मंहगा हुआ और क्या सस्ता पढ़ कर ही समझ आएगा

😄 #budget2017





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पांव से स्कूटी रोकने वालीं चुहिया एंकर भी शाम को बड़े बड़े अर्थशास्त्रियों से 'मुद्रा स्फीति की दर' पे बहस करती नजर आएंगी








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